


Dwindling Secret

by Deeranger



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Anal, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Barebacking, Blow Jobs, Bottom Jared, Boys In Love, Closeted, Coming Out, Declarations Of Love, Denial of Feelings, Dominance, Dubious Consent, Dubiously Consensual Blow Jobs, Emotionally Repressed, Extremely Dubious Consent, First Time, First Time Blow Jobs, Fix-It of Sorts, Forced, Frottage, Gay, Gun Violence, Idiots in Love, Lube, M/M, Morally Ambiguous Character, Mutual Pining, Not Suitable/Safe For Work, Outdoor Sex, Public Blow Jobs, Rape/Non-con Elements, SPN J2 Secret Santa, Scared Jared Padalecki, Secret Crush, Sexual Coercion, Sexual Tension, Shy Jared, Top Jeffrey Dean Morgan, angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-21
Updated: 2019-12-21
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:54:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 16,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21889240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deeranger/pseuds/Deeranger
Summary: Not far from set Jared has found his own special place near the woods. It's calm, quiet and desolate; perfect for relaxing and shaking off stress. But what happens when he discovers that he isn't alone out there in the wilderness as he thought? And more importantly, what happens when he is confronted head-on with the forbidden feelings he has spent so long repressing? Will he admit to them? Or does he need some persuading?
Relationships: Jeffrey Dean Morgan/Jared Padalecki
Comments: 4
Kudos: 21
Collections: 2019 Supernatural & CWRPF Holiday Exchange





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story is written for the SPN J2 Secret Santa on Livejournal. I hope the giftee will like the story even though it is slightly angsty and non-con-ish. I actually didn't really intend it to be, it sort of just.... happened. 
> 
> The "RAPE/NON-CON" warning is there to be safe because even though this fic is tagged "extremely dubious consent" the lines ARE very blurred and sometimes it's more non- than dub-con and vice versa. Heed the warnings and read the tags, please. And enjoy!

The dry grass crunched just a tiny bit under Jared’s feet as he walked across the vast meadow, quickly getting surrounded by butterflies fluttering their colorful wings when they were disturbed and took off in a flurry. The scent of poppies, daisies and lupines was strong and treading carefully he tried to avoid stepping on the beautiful flowers – even though he knew that it was a completely impossible task. Because they were simply everywhere. Adorning the green and yellow grass of the meadow in bursts of orange, white and purple they stood tall, swaying majestically in the wind. The buzzing of bees was filling the warm August air, carried along by a slight breeze that fanned across Jared’s face in gentle puffs of air, and he had to admit that it was actually really soothing. And just what he needed.

A small smile appeared on his face as he reached the neck of the woods, nearing his favorite spot. He had come to love this place, he realized. Even though it felt desolate and sort of foreign to him to be out here in the middle of nowhere it still felt homely somehow. Calm. And after days and days of shooting, he was honestly relieved to have a break and just be himself. He needed the peace and quiet of this place, needed to ground himself a little and shake off the stress of work. And so he would leave his trailer whenever he had the time and just go here to reflect and relax. And what better time to do that than now? Jensen and Misha were shooting their scene down by the old barn and the entire trailer area was practically looking like a ghost town. For once he wasn’t expected to hang out and be social with anyone. And he welcomed it with open arms.

As he walked along the forest edge and rounded a small bend his spot finally came into view. The trunk of the fallen tree was too wide for him to even reach his arms around, and it provided the perfect place to just have a seat and look out over the meadow and the trees. Jared figured that it had probably been struck by lightning at some point because there were some ragged and charred edges in the wood, scorched splinters sticking out of the end of the long trunk. As the sun baked down on its bark he could see some small sand lizards scurrying in all directions as he approached and for a moment he felt a little guilty for disrupting their afternoon sun-basking. Curious he stopped and bent down just a little to follow them with his glance as they disappeared into the grass and various cracks in the bark, hurrying out of his shadow.

But as he stood there he realized that the sound of grass moving was still quite loud. Too loud for it to be caused by the lizards running through it. Frowning he then recognized the sound of dry vegetation under a pair of boots – and in the same moment, a second shadow appeared right next to his own on the tree trunk in front of him.

“Nice spot you got here,” a gruff voice said, and Jared spun around so fast that he nearly tripped on his own feet, letting out a gasp.

“Jeff…!?” he burst out, feeling how his heart was pounding away. How had had he not known that he was being followed? Apparently, he had been too busy studying butterflies and lizards, he thought to himself.

“Sorry,” the older man huffed, sending his shocked co-star a smile.

“Jesus… You scared the crap outta me!” Jared mumbled, trying his best to calm down his racing heart. Without even realizing it he was clutching his chest as if that was somehow going to help the frantic thumping in there. 

“I did, didn’t I?” Jeffrey chuckled and sat himself down on the tree trunk.

“What’re you even doing here?” Jared asked, a little out of breath. Last thing he knew Jeff had retreated to his trailer for a nap, and that wasn’t very long ago. Only like half an hour or so.

“Needed some fresh air… Thought I’d join ya,” Jeffrey replied and let his glance wander over the meadow, a small smile still lingering on his lips while he scanned the terrain.

“How did you even find this place?” he asked, leaning back a little to stretch his legs.

“I, uh… I kinda just stumbled on it when I was taking a walk,” Jared replied, finally sitting himself down next to his co-star on the tree trunk. His heart rate had somewhat normalized after the initial shock, and now he was feeling a bit silly that he had been startled like that. Hell, he had been close to screaming like a girl. Usually, he wasn’t so easily spooked, but he really hadn’t had a clue that he wasn’t alone out here in the wilderness.

“I get why you come here,” Jeffrey said, tilting his head a bit to look at the younger man.

“It’s a beautiful place,” he added and let out a long exhale. Jared nodded and tucked a stray strand of hair behind his ear. He didn’t remember telling Jeffrey about this place, but he probably had. Everyone on set knew that he would take a walk every time things got hectic. And what better place to relax than out here? The peace and quiet of this place was simply therapeutic.

“So, does it help? On the stress?” Jeffrey asked, eyeing his friend up and down shortly as he sat there beside him, leaned back on the trunk. Jared couldn’t help but let out a small huff.

“I’m that transparent, huh?” he asked, chewing on his bottom lip. He knew that he always wore his emotions on his sleeve, but he had thought that he was at least fairly good at concealing the extent of his stress from his coworkers. Like a proper professional would. Well, apparently he wasn’t succeeding.

Jeffrey just sent him a knowing smile, and put a hand on his shoulder, giving it a few claps.

“You know... I’ve been told I give a hell of a good massage. I think you could use one,” the older man said and let his fingers lightly dig into the thick muscle through Jared’s T-shirt. 

“You’re all tense,” he mumbled and turned a little to get a better grip on the broad shoulders, calloused fingertips beginning to rub and press. Jared’s eyes widened a little.

“Umm, you don’t have to—“

“Man, you need to loosen up a little,” Jeffrey interrupted as he gripped Jared’s shoulders with both hands, turning him towards him a little as he kept rubbing. Slightly slack-jawed Jared just looked at him, not quite sure what to make of it. Suddenly his throat felt a bit dry and he was pretty sure his cheeks flushed a little as the older man’s hands worked tirelessly to soften the hard muscle between his neck and shoulders. If it wasn’t for the awkwardness of the situation the massage would have actually felt pretty good, but right now all it did was make Jared’s heart do a weird somersault in his chest. And he didn’t really know what to do with it.

“So many muscle knots in here…” Jeffrey said under his breath, working his fingertips in repetitive circles, digging, pressing, rubbing. Jared blinked, trying to get himself to stop breathing so rapidly. He hadn’t even noticed before now, but the older man’s touch had his mind sort of reeling, and he felt himself tense up even more.

“It’ll be much easier without this, ya know,” Jeffrey said and tugged a little at Jared’s T-shirt while looking at him with a quirked eyebrow and just a hint of a smile on his lips. 

“Take it off.”

The words didn’t really translate properly at first, and Jared was just staring at him blankly. It was like time froze. Had he misheard him?

“C’mon, take it off,” Jeffrey repeated, and this time there was no room for misunderstandings. He was definitely saying what Jared thought he was. It came out loud and clear and suddenly Jared felt like his tongue was sticking to the roof of his mouth and his heart rhythm was slowly but surely picking up speed again. But why? It wasn’t like Jeffrey hadn’t seen him shirtless before. Hell, they had even sat in a Jacuzzi once wearing nothing but swim shorts. But this just felt… Different.

“Umm…” Jared heard himself say dumbly, and he instantly wanted to slap himself across the face. This was definitely getting awkward, and he just wanted to squirm right out of his own skin from embarrassment. But Jeffrey just kept looking at him, brown eyes glinting in the afternoon sun while he waited for a response. Cursing at himself internally Jared tried to pull it together. _‘Get a grip!’_ his mind commanded. It was just a damn shirt.

“Is it one of those days? Don’t be shy,” Jeffrey said, interrupting the silence and pulling Jared out of his train of thought. Obviously, the older man was referring to his insecurities regarding his looks, but that wasn’t the only reason why Jared was hesitating. There was just this strange tension all of a sudden. Like the air was crackling. 

“You have nothing to be ashamed of… You know that, right?” Jeffrey asked, sending him a smile that was probably meant to look comforting. In the same moment, he placed his hands on Jared’s chest, resting his palms on it. The younger man’s breath instantly hitched in his throat. 

“You’re a beautiful man, Jared,” Jeffrey said and his voice seemed to drop a note or two. Wide-eyed Jared felt his heart skip a beat – but he didn’t get a chance to formulate any sort of response before the hands had grabbed two fistfuls of his T-shirt and pulled him closer. Before he even had the time to blink Jeffrey’s mouth was pressed against his, warm lips enveloping his own while a wet tongue was probing against him, seeking entrance.

“Mmph!”

The sound came out all on its own and Jared automatically turned his head, ending the sudden kiss as abruptly as it has begun. A streak of saliva got smeared out on his cheek in the process and he snapped for air. With brows knitted together in shock and heart now galloping wildly in his chest, he turned back to look at Jeffrey whose fists were still clutching the cotton of his T-shirt.

“Wh-What’re you doing…?”

The question came out shaky and breathless, and for a moment Jeffrey was just looking at him with a mischievous and kind of surprised gleam in his eyes. His smile had faded a bit, but there were still remnants of it present on his lips. 

“You know what I’m doing,” he stated, and now one of his hands suddenly moved from Jared’s chest to his thigh, gripping it tightly through the denim of his jeans.

“I’m giving you what you want,” Jeffrey said, giving the muscle a firm squeeze. Jared nearly jumped, and this time he couldn’t help but shy away from the touch a little.

“What? Wait… I-I don’t—”

“Yes, you do…” Jeffrey interrupted, and now his hand began to move towards Jared’s crotch, slowly sliding up his thigh. Letting out something close to a yelp Jared suddenly found himself scrambling to his feet, shaking off the older man’s curious hand when he nearly stumbled on a couple of branches lying in the grass, his arms flailing. Spinning around he looked at Jeffrey, dumbfounded and with his chest heaving as he sucked in gulps of air way too fast. But his older co-star was just looking up at him, still casually leaned back and wearing a small smile as if this was as natural as anything could be. 

“Relax, Jared. It’s not like anyone can see us,” he said, and the crinkles in the corners of his eyes grew a little deeper when he let out a small chuckle. Apparently, he found Jared’s wide-eyed expression of disbelief amusing. 

“You really think I don’t know?” Jeffrey then asked, tilting his head just a tiny bit as he looked the younger man up and down. For a moment Jared just stared at him, not knowing what to say or even how to act. The blush from before had surely spread all the way down to his chest, and he just shifted his weight from one foot to the other.

“Know…? Know what?” he squeaked, his voice failing him and coming out far too shrill for his liking. Another chuckle escaped the man in front of him.

“Oh, c’mon. Don’t play dumb with me. Won’t get you anywhere, and you know it,” Jeffrey said, dark eyes twinkling in the sunlight.

“You think I didn’t notice? How you’ve been looking at me?” he continued and his smile widened a little by the words. Slack-jawed Jared just stared at him in bafflement. And he was pretty sure that his face had to be crimson by now, embarrassment washing through him with enough intensity to leave him feeling slightly lightheaded. How the hell did Jeffrey know? He thought he had been so discreet. 

“I-I haven’t…” he managed to say, swallowing dryly.

“Cut the crap!” Jeffrey burst out, and this time his smile faltered a bit as he glared up at the tall man in front of him. For a few seconds, silence fell and the only sound filling the air was the chirping of birds and buzzing of bees while they just looked at each other. The tension was palpable. In fact, it could be cut with a knife. And when Jared didn’t seem to be able to come up with any sort of response other than looking like a deer caught in the headlights of a truck the older man let out a deep sigh, rubbing his face as if he was suddenly feeling very tired.

“I really hoped…” he muttered under his breath, trailing off as he let out another sigh. He sounded kind of defeated, and Jared seemed to finally regain his ability to speak, lifting his hands into the air a little as if he was trying to compose himself. Or maybe both of them. Nervously he licked his bottom lip.

“Look, let’s just go back a-and… And this doesn’t have to mean anything, we can just—“ he began, but this time Jeffrey shushed him, cutting him off mid-sentence.

“No,” he said, voice low and rumbling. He then narrowed his eyes at Jared. 

“As I said, I hoped… Hoped that you’d come around. That you’d quit the bullshit. And I really hoped that I wouldn’t have to use this,” he said in a flat tone of voice while reaching for something behind him. Jared frowned as he followed the movement of his co-star’s arm – it seemed like he was pulling something out from under the back of his shirt. Confused Jared just watched as he snatched something from the waistband of his jeans, hard specks of light bouncing off a silvery surface and nearly blinding him when the sun’s rays reflected in the metal. Squinting he didn’t recognize the object at first – but it only took a split second for his eyes to pick up on the distinct shape of it. And there was no doubt in his mind. It was a gun. Instantly he froze, his heart doing a painful double beat in his chest.

“You need some persuading, don’t you?” Jeffrey said, and now he pointed the silver Beretta straight at Jared. Snapping for air the younger man found himself staring right down the barrel of it, and his blood ran cold. Goosebumps rose by the thousands everywhere on his skin even though it was a hot summer day, and chills rolled down his spine like icy cascades of water.

“Wh-What…? Jeff, what are you doing??” he stammered, forcing himself to tear his gaze away from the gun to look at his colleague. The sight that met him had his stomach churning, and his mind instantly raced to decipher the look of the man’s face – because he had never seen Jeffrey like this before. The otherwise warm look in his brown eyes had turned strangely cold somehow. No, not cold. Calculating. And there was something determined in his expression, something that made Jared think of the way a big cat would focus its eyes on some unknowing antelope out on the savannah.

“You’ll thank me later. Now, come here,” Jeffrey said and gestured for him to come closer. Swallowing a lump suddenly formed in his throat Jared realized that his knees were feeling strangely wobbly and he wasn’t even sure if he could walk right now without just collapsing into a heap. His entire body felt like jello. But the shiny gun in his co-star’s hand quickly made the decision for him and without thinking he slowly approached the man on the tree trunk, hands defensively lifted into the air a bit as he took one hesitant step after another.

“Please, just… Just take it easy. Put the gun down, okay?” he said as he came to a halt in front of Jeffrey, the muzzle of the gun almost touching his belly. But his co-star merely cracked a small, crooked smile as he looked up at him, his free hand placing itself on Jared’s hip.

“Can’t do that. But tell ya what… You get down on your knees and I’ll think about it,” Jeffrey said, and in the same moment his hand slipped up under Jared’s T-shirt. As the rough digits touched his bare skin Jared jumped in surprise, and he had to force himself to stand still. His gaze then flicked back to fix on the gun almost poking his abdomen, and he tried to will himself to stay as calm as he possibly could. Which wasn’t very calm. He quickly realized that he was beginning to hyperventilate, his chest heaving irregularly while his heart was banging frantically against his sternum as if it was trying to burst right out of his ribcage.

“Did you hear what I just said?” Jeffrey suddenly asked, and Jared blinked, trying to ground himself enough to somehow shake off the growing feeling of panic.

“Jared, look at me,” the older man ordered, and the calloused fingertips finally left his skin to grab a hold of his T-shirt instead, tugging at it as if he wasn’t sure if he had his full attention. Shuddering Jared found himself obeying, shifting his focus from the gun to Jeffrey’s eyes.

“You’re gonna take some deep breaths now, steady that breathing. And then you’re gonna get down on your knees. Do you hear me?”

The words sounded so strange in Jared’s ears. Almost like they were warped or tweaked through some sort of filter. No matter how many times he replayed them in his head, they didn’t sound like they should. They oozed with authority and there was absolutely no room for negotiation. He knew that much. But it just didn’t match the mellow Jeffrey he thought he knew. Yet still, he discovered that he was actually doing what he had been told – he was taking deep breaths, slowly evening out his breathing the best he could.

“Good… You’re catching on,” Jeffrey said, and now he was tugging on Jared’s T-shirt, pulling him down just a bit with each small yank. The hint was obvious, and once again a fierce burning sensation spread on Jared’s cheeks, a deep flush dusting his tanned skin a light scarlet.

“Get on your knees, c’mon…” Jeffrey coaxed, beginning to firmly pull on the fabric of the shirt, forcing Jared down. It didn’t take much for his knees to buckle, and before he knew it he was sitting in front of his co-star, denim-clad knees buried in the tall grass. Carefully he flicked his gaze up to look at Jeffrey, and he didn’t know if he was supposed to feel scared or relieved that the older man’s smile had returned to his lips, wide enough to make his white teeth glint in the sunlight.

“That’s it… Wasn’t so hard, was it?” Jeffrey chuckled and let his fingers brush down the side of Jared’s face, gently grazing the stubble on his jaw. Wide-eyed Jared just stared at him, frozen. Jeffrey quirked an eyebrow.

“I told you not to play dumb with me. You know what to do.”

The baritone of the older man’s voice seemed to almost rumble, and Jared had to replay the sentence a couple of times in his head before it hit him for real. And when it did it hit him hard. His breath hitched in his throat and suddenly he wasn’t sure if this was some sort of dream or if it was really happening. But everything felt so incredibly real, leaving him to quickly second guess his own theory. The vividness of the dry grass poking him through his worn jeans, the buzzing of the bees and the gleam in Jeffrey’s eyes simply couldn’t be a figment of his imagination. It couldn’t be.

“Jared?” the rumbling voice said, ripping him from his train of thought once more. Startled Jared’s glance automatically fixed on the gun again when his co-star tapped it lightly against his own thigh in what could only be interpreted as a silent warning. Its muzzle was pointing in Jared’s general direction and casually Jeffrey leaned back just a little, legs spread out and bracketing Jared as he sat there in front of him on his knees.

Feeling his face heating to the point where his skin began to sting Jared let out something close to a mewl – but it was so low that he almost couldn’t hear it himself. It felt like he was choking on something, on his own tongue or maybe just on the air he was inhaling. Either way it was hard to breathe and he found himself sweating profusely and flushing beet red. But what could he do to stop this? _‘Nothing,’_ a small voice in his head said. In the same moment, the man in front of him cleared his throat impatiently. 

Swallowing Jared gave a minute nod in response, trying to stay as collected as he could. _‘No way out,’_ his mind whispered. Knowing that he was out of options he slowly reached his hands out towards Jeffrey, shaky fingers clumsily fumbling to grab a hold of the pull tab on his zipper. Every single movement he made was followed closely, slightly narrowed eyes keeping track of every trembling finger - and if he wasn’t mistaken it seemed like Jeffrey’s breathing had sped up just a little.

“Go on,” the older man said, impatience still lacing his voice. Somehow it sounded strangely soft at the same time though. And Jared managed to finally grab and pull on the tab carefully, slowly starting to unzip his co-star’s jeans. There was a prominent bulge in them, and his heart did a strange flip in his chest by that realization. Breathing shallowly through his nose Jared nervously licked his bottom lip as his fingers worked the zipper open, revealing some dark blue cotton trunks hiding under the denim. He wanted to gasp when he discovered that Jeffrey was semi-hard, the outline of his dick obvious under the thin fabric. Again it felt like his heart did some sort of weird acrobatics in his chest, and a chill ran from the top of his head to the soles of his feet and back again, rippling up and down his spine. Chewing on the inside of his cheek he flicked his glance up to look at Jeffrey – but he still just wore that confident smile while looking down at him, pupils blown and gaze firm. And needy. God, he looked needy.

“Quit stalling,” Jeffrey said in a voice that had suddenly turned husky.

“I’m achin’ here,” he added with a small grin, bucking his hips just a tiny bit to emphasize his point. As he did it felt like all air had suddenly left the meadow, like Jared was free-falling in some sort of vacuum. Wide-eyed he broke eye contact with Jeffrey to look back down at his crotch, unable to look his co-star in the eye right now. And as he lowered his glance he was utterly unable to miss how the half-erect dick twitched eagerly right in front of his face, only concealed by the thin, blue underwear.

With his pulse skyrocketing and thumping away in his ears Jared convinced himself to finally hook his fingers under the elastic waistband of Jeffrey’s trunks, pulling lightly at the fabric. It didn’t take much - a small yank made the older man’s growing erection bounce free, jumping out from the confines of the damp cotton. Jared wasn’t sure if he made a sound or not, but his throat felt like it did. Everything was so surreal right now, and he almost felt like he was deafened by the roaring of his pulse in his ears.

“I don’t suppose I have to tell ya ‘no teeth’?” Jeffrey chuckled, the gun tapping against his thigh just a little faster. Feeling almost cross-eyed from staring at the veiny flesh in front of his face, Jared found himself shaking his head, glance nervously flicking up to shortly gauge his co-star’s facial expression. He looked strangely calm. And he was still wearing that damn smile.

Taking a deep breath Jared closed his eyes for just a second. This was it. There was no going back from here. This was the tipping point. _‘But maybe if I try to reason with him, if I beg, maybe he’ll drop it…”_ his mind began to whisper somewhere in his head, but he cut himself off when he slowly began to lean forward. Jeffrey’s crotch came closer and closer and soon Jared could feel the man’s body heat radiate onto his face. It was a matter of an inch or two. No more. Once he cleared that last inch there was no going back to normal, no more pretending and there was definitely no way they could ever —

A guttural sound escaped Jeffrey when Jared’s lips closed around the tip of his dick, and both men jumped a little, interrupting whatever thought process had been taking place in Jared’s head.

“Fuck…” Jeffrey groaned under his breath, dark eyes glued to Jared as the young man tentatively let his tongue lap at the engorged flesh just a little. Without even registering it Jeffrey had grabbed a hold of his chestnut locks, gentle fingers gathering them in a loose fist as they both shuddered.

“Shit, that’s it, that’s it…” Jeffrey said, staring down at Jared, mouth slightly agape and breathing hard. Involuntarily he bucked his hips just a little bit, subconsciously seeking more friction, and Jared let out a surprised and garbled sound when the thick length smacked against the roof of his mouth. With his eyes squeezed shut he tried to pull back a little – but the hand in his hair tightened its grip, not allowing him to. Instead, Jeffrey retreated, letting his cock slide almost all the way out as he relaxed and let himself slump a little on the tree trunk.

“Now move,” he then ordered, his raspy voice almost coming out in a breathless whisper. A weird sound escaped Jared in response, and he couldn’t really tell what it meant. He didn’t even know what he was feeling right now. Abandoning the idea of deciphering it, he returned his focus to the task at hand, feeling how his heart rate was somehow still picking up speed. He didn’t know how that was even possible. Ignoring it he tightened his lips just a tiny bit around the veiny shaft in his mouth and began to slowly move up and down its length, saliva quickly coating the velvety flesh and making it slippery. It felt weird. And he didn’t even know if he was doing it right. He hadn’t exactly tried this before, so he just went with what he thought he would like if it was himself receiving a blowjob. As the taste of musk spread in his mouth, he felt his cheeks burn even fiercer and another chill rolled down his spine.

“God, Jared…!” Jeffrey burst out, and he was visibly shaking as he fought to resist the urge to just ram himself into the warm mouth above his groin. 

Figuring that he was apparently doing something right Jared moved just a little faster, and without even planning on it he found himself suddenly swirling the tip of his tongue up and down the hard cock, flicking and lapping at the sensitive head carefully. _‘What are you doing?’_ his mind asked in bewilderment, and he frowned. Because he honestly didn’t know. Maybe he was just trying to get this done? Push Jeffrey over the edge and get it over with so he could just go back to his trailer and forget this ever happened? _‘Liar,’_ the voice in his head whispered and he knitted his brows closer together, trying to come up with an argument as to why that wasn’t true. Because, of course, it wasn’t. It couldn’t be. But why was he feeling so strangely tingly all of a sudden? It felt like there was some sort of coil in his abdomen, slowly tightening. _‘It’s just nerves,’_ he thought to himself.

“Fuck, who taught you to suck cock like that?” Jeffrey’s gruff voice asked, but the sentence seemed to get swallowed up by a moan when Jared took him almost all the way in, black and gray pubic hairs tickling the tip of his nose. The heady scent invading Jared’s nostrils seemed to make the coil in his abdomen tighten more somehow, and before he had a chance to prevent it a strange sound escaped his throat. It sounded almost like a mix between a keening sort of noise and a moan. God, why did it almost sound like a moan?

“If you keep that up I’m gonna blow,” Jeffrey panted, automatically tightening his grip on the brown locks of hair. The words resonated in Jared’s head, and as they ping-ponged around in there he didn’t know what to do with them. Was it best if he just kept going and got this over with? Or should he slow down? _‘Why are you even thinking this?’_ his mind piped up, and he found himself letting out a whimper when he realized that the coil in his abdomen was tightening further as the taste of Jeffrey grew stronger and stronger on his tongue.

“You like this, don’t you?” the older man suddenly asked, a hint of a grin hidden somewhere in his voice. The words felt like a slap in the face, and Jared couldn’t help but let out another small whimper around the thick length invading his mouth. And he didn’t know what to do. What to think. He didn’t seem to know anything anymore.

“Yeah. I know you’ve wanted this for ages… Haven’t you?” Jeffrey moaned, and suddenly he pulled on Jared’s hair, yanking his head back just far enough for the tip of his dick to slip out of his mouth. As the heavy erection fell from his lips a string of saliva followed, drooping down on the grass between them. Letting out a series of small gasps Jared realized that he was actually expected to answer. But how could he possibly? With his neck awkwardly craned he slowly lifted his gaze, trying to get his breathing just somewhat under control. _‘Say no,’_ his mind quietly instructed somewhere in the back of his head. With puffy lips and mouth slightly open Jared had nowhere to settle his glance, nowhere to look other than at Jeffrey. He wished that he could just disappear right in that moment because the embarrassment was almost too much for him to handle.

When their eyes locked Jared felt lightheaded all of a sudden. He had expected his co-star to be looking at him with some kind of cold and piercing glare. For his expression to be one of dark superiority, stormy and dangerous. But it wasn’t. Not really. Instead, the man was actually looking like he was truly interested in an answer, his brown eyes warm and honest now. Just like they usually were. For some reason, the sight made the tingly feeling in Jared’s stomach grow a little stronger, tightened the coil just a bit more. _‘What’s happening?’_ his mind blurted out in confusion. 

“Haven’t you?”

The bass in the voice rumbled even deeper now, and nervously Jared licked his raw bottom lip. In the same moment, the hand in his hair started to tug on it, forcing him to get up from his knees. As he followed the pull, he was almost certain that he was going to fall right back down, because every bone in his body seemed to have liquefied.

“Answer me, Jared,” Jeffrey said, getting up from his sitting position on the tree trunk, following the younger man as he slowly rose to his full height. Wobbly on his feet Jared almost lost his balance, but his co-star’s big hands quickly steadied him – one on his shoulder, one on his hip. Dumbfounded Jared realized that the gun had been left behind on the tree trunk. It was just lying there, lazily glinting in the sunlight.

“I…” Jared began, but his voice failed him and whatever he had wanted to say got jumbled up in his mind and became nothing more than a low squeak. It was beyond strange to suddenly be looking down at Jeffrey instead of up – and he couldn’t tell if it was a good or bad thing. If anything at all. Was he going to let him go? Nervously Jared’s gaze darted down to look at the gun.

“Go ahead. Go for it. But please, just answer my question first,” Jeffrey said. Like he could read his mind. There was a challenging sort of tone in his voice, and it shook a little. Jared didn’t know how to interpret that. What he did know was that he had absolutely no idea what to say. As big hands squeezed his hip and shoulder lightly his head spun with a mix of fear, confusion, embarrassment and... Something else. Something else entirely. And he couldn’t get himself to really tap into it _. ‘Go for the gun!’_ his mind shrieked, but for some reason his glance darted back to Jeffrey’s eyes.

“I… Can’t,” Jared heard himself rasp. The hands on him tightened their grip a little. It didn’t really feel threatening though.

“You can’t what? Answer my question? Or admit to yourself that you want this?” Jeffrey asked, and there was the faintest of smiles playing on his lips. Jared felt himself visibly tremble and he swallowed dryly. Why was there a god damn lump the size of a tennis ball in his throat?

“I-I can’t… Can’t… Want this…” he heard himself stutter. Were his eyes watering? What was he even saying? He wasn’t sure if he knew.

“You can’t want this? Why?” Jeffrey asked in a soft voice, and now the hand on Jared’s hip wandered down a little, gently cupping him through the jeans. A quiet whimper spilled from Jared without him even wanting it to.

“Huh? Just look how hard you are… And I have barely touched you yet,” Jeffrey whispered. Jared bit down the shocked moan that tried to escape his mouth, and he couldn’t determine why it even tried to break free in the first place – if it was because of the touch or because of his co-star’s choice of words. _‘He has barely touched me yet,’_ his mind echoed, emphasis on the word ‘yet’ which just kept tumbling around inside his head.

“I… Please…” Jared croaked, and to his disbelief he had grown rock hard under Jeffrey’s hand, his cock painfully straining against the denim.

“Please what?” Jeffrey asked in something close to a purr. And his fingers began to rub against the fabric, lightly gripping him only to release, rub and repeat.

“Lemme just see what you’ve got here, mm…?” he then whispered, and before Jared even had the time to register it, the button on his jeans had been popped open and a hand was snaking into his underwear. As the calloused fingers touched him there he sharply sucked in a mouthful of air through his teeth, unable to stop himself from letting out a small, panting noise in the process. And all too quickly the elastic waistband of the Saxx underwear was bunched under his balls, suddenly freeing his dick as a large and warm hand wrapped around it.

“Jesus…” Jeffrey mumbled breathlessly, looking down at the massive erection in his hand. Frozen Jared just stood there, shivering and flushing more than he had thought humanly possible while his co-star gently gave his manhood an experimental stroke. The touch was almost feather-light but still, it managed to make a loud gasp spill from Jared when it felt like electric currents were shooting through his body, zinging from one nerve ending to another.

“Guess the choice of underwear isn’t just for show, huh?” Jeffrey said under his breath, tightening his grip just a bit around the throbbing length in his hand. Speechless Jared tried to swallow down another gasp but failed. _‘What’s happening?’_ his mind squeaked dumbly, but he couldn’t gather enough brainpower to answer his own question. Instead, he just looked down in bafflement, staring at how his dick was obscenely sticking out of his open jeans, still swelling in Jeffrey’s hand. 

“God, Jared… I should’ve done this sooner,” the older man said in a throaty voice, beginning to tug a little on the heavy appendage and forcing Jared to step even closer to him, almost pressing their hips flush together.

“Just look at you,” he said, sounding close to awestruck. In the same moment, he let his thumb rub over the slit of Jared’s cockhead to smear out the bead of pre-come that he hadn’t even realized he had produced. Nearly jumping from the sensation zapping through him Jared snapped for air, feeling how the tightness of the coil in the pits of his stomach increased. 

“So beautiful…” Jeffrey mumbled, and Jared’s eyes widened when the large hand stuffed in between their bodies began to stroke both of them at the same time, the veiny lengths now touching and rubbing against each other. A grunt escaped the younger man and as if enchanted by the sight he just kept staring down at the engorged flesh in Jeffrey’s hand – almost like he couldn’t believe his own eyes. Was this real? Without noticing he was letting out a string of small gasps every time his co-star moved his hand and made their cocks rub and press against each other, adding a kind of friction that Jared had never experienced before. It felt strange and scary and good, and the way the shafts moved against each other, slick with pre-come and saliva, made his head swim. 

_‘Tell him to stop!’_ his mind yelled somewhere from the sideline, and he opened his mouth – but the words didn’t make it out. Instead, he found himself letting out a moan when Jeffrey applied just a little more pressure, moving his hips and vigorously rubbing against him, making an intense heat flare up in his loins. 

_‘Why aren’t you telling him to stop?’_ his mind asked, and he fumbled to figure out why the hell he was still just standing there like some sort of statue. He should be fighting back, he should be running. Right? What happened to the whole ‘fight or flee’ mechanism? Why was the coil in his stomach still tightening? Something in the back of his mind told him that he couldn’t blame fear this time. Not even by a long shot. And it felt like something inside of him began to crumble, something he had spent ages building. Like a wall that he shouldn’t just let come crashing down without some sort of fight. He should fight this. But _why_ was he as hard as rock in Jeffrey’s hand then, so achingly hard that pre-come kept sprouting on the tip of his dick? He couldn’t be reacting this way unless… 

_'What the hell is the matter with you?!'_ his mind spat when he finally realized that he was aroused. God help him, he was actually aroused. _‘You’re out of your damn mind!’_ the voice in his head hissed, and he let out a small whimper mixed in with a moan when Jeffrey let the pad of his thumb swipe over the heads of both their cocks, smearing out the drops of pre-come and dragging it across the rigid flesh. Slicking them both up like that made the friction even more enjoyable, and Jared let out another moan. _‘You're actually enjoying this!?’_ the voice in his head accused, and a full-body tremble ran through him. An almost inaudible whine escaped his mouth, and he wanted to both lean into and move away from the touch.

“Jared…?” Jeffrey’s voice said, ripping him from his train of thought. Nearly flinching by the sound of his own name, Jared let his glance dart away from the action between their legs to fix on his co-star’s brown eyes, hooded and dark.

“It’s alright. We both want this…” Jeffrey groaned softly, and in the same moment, his free hand grabbed the back of Jared’s neck, pulling him down for a kiss. Their lips met before Jared even had the chance to think about resisting, and a wet tongue was now probing at his lips curiously, seeking entrance once again. As his mind spun and the world seemed to wobble under his feet he felt how Jeffrey intensified his relentless stroking and rubbing, making his dick twitch and throb under his administrations – and Jared couldn’t help but let out a groan. As his lips parted to let out the sound, Jeffrey’s tongue was quick to slip inside his mouth, swirling around to taste and seemingly map out every single inch of tissue in there.

Jared’s mind and body suddenly felt like they had caught on fire, a tingly heat spreading from his groin like tendrils throughout his body. A whimper was muffled as Jeffrey’s thick tongue lapped at everything it could reach – and to his bewilderment, Jared found that he wasn’t resisting the kiss. In fact, he was kind of letting it happen, almost on the verge of kissing back the older man. _‘What are you doing?’_ his mind squeaked, but the panic trying to accumulate somewhere in his mind was diffused when Jeffrey squeezed their cocks gently, forcing more pre-come to drool from them. Instantly the heat in Jared’s loins intensified, leaving him to gasp and pant into the mouth devouring his own. And as the taste of Jeffrey’s saliva spread in his mouth, he realized that he was actually letting his tongue carefully lap at the intruding one, trying to match the way it swirled around. The reaction was instant – Jeffrey let out a groan into his mouth, his fingers squeezing the back of his neck and pulling him closer while the hand around their cocks grew more eager and just a little rougher. 

“Fuck…” Jeffrey moaned, tugging on both of them and making the hard shafts rub against each other harder. As he tightened his hand, pulling on their foreskins, Jared found himself automatically bucking his hips just a tiny bit, subconsciously seeking more friction and thrusting into the warm fist. It was almost as if the movement was pure muscle memory, like his body was mechanically reacting to some basic instinct – because he was certain that he hadn’t planned on it. Had he? Shocked by how his body seemed to move of its own volition, he then tried to pull back a little, wanting to ground himself and just somewhat regain his composure. To keep that wall standing, keep it from just shattering into a thousand bits and pieces. Because he couldn’t be doing this. He had already let himself go way too far. But as soon as he started to retreat, Jeffrey tightened his grip – both on his neck and on his treacherously hard cock – not allowing him to move.

“Nuh-uh,” the older man just moaned into his mouth, nibbling on his lip as he stroked them both harder yet. A shiver ran through Jared, and he let out a groan when Jeffrey sank his teeth into his bottom lip, nearly drawing blood. A new spike of fear and arousal shot through him but he managed to get himself to plant his hands on his co-star’s chest, gently trying to push him back.

“Wait…” Jared whispered breathlessly, but the word was almost swallowed by a groan when Jeffrey suddenly deepened the kiss and tightened his fist to the point where it bordered on being painful.

“Waited long enough,” Jeffrey mumbled against his mouth – and then he suddenly pulled back, ending the kiss with a wet, popping sound as he released Jared's lip. For a moment the young man was just staring at him wide-eyed while trying to catch his breath, both of their cocks still held tightly in Jeffrey’s hand as he kept stroking. Panting Jared searched his co-star’s eyes:

“W-We can’t do this...” he managed to croak, trying to reason with the man in front of him. Or was he trying to reason with himself? Somehow he was unable to tell. A small huff escaped Jeffrey as he kept moving his hand back and forth, switching between fast tugs and lazy, firm strokes. The combination had Jared’s mind spinning, and he snapped for air even faster than before.

“Of course we can…” Jeffrey said and let go of the back of the younger man’s neck. The hand then swiftly moved down to his jeans and with a firm yank they were pulled down over Jared’s ass, quickly sliding down his long legs to end up pooling around his ankles. Surprised Jared let out a gasp, not prepared for the sudden undressing. His underwear had followed his jeans, and he was now completely exposed from the waist down. As the summer breeze swept across his bare skin, he felt how goosebumps once again spread all over his body in a matter of seconds despite the sizzling heat and blazing sun.

“Turn around.”

Jared’s eyebrows knitted themselves together by Jeffrey’s words. Had he heard him right?

“Turn around and place your hands on the trunk there," Jeffrey said, pointing at the spot where he had just been sitting. Quickly Jared's gaze moved from his co-star's index finger to the trunk… Then it fixed on the gun which was still just lying there on the bark, gleaming in the sunlight. It wasn't very far away. Maybe if he moved fast enough, he'd be able to snatch it and just—

Suddenly two hands grabbed him, roughly pulling him forwards by his T-shirt. Before Jared knew what was happening, the hands then spun him around and let go – only to deliver a shove - and he found himself stumbling, hands landing on the tree trunk to break the fall. Letting out a yelp he instantly began to straighten back up, but before he could a hand grabbed a hold of his neck again, squeezing it hard enough for him to wince.

“Oww!” he burst out by reflex, trying to shake off the hand – but it just tightened the grip further.

“Jeff, wait…!” he gasped when suddenly the older man pressed against him from behind, now wrapping his arms around him in some kind of reverse bear hug. Jared was relieved that the mean grip on his neck was gone, but new fear washed through him when Jeffrey’s booted foot was placed on the tree trunk, knocking the gun off of it and making it fall into the tall grass on the other side of the fallen tree. As it disappeared out of sight, Jared shortly wondered if he should try to go for it. But how? It wasn’t like he could move freely and for all he knew Jeffrey might as well reach it first.

“Not gonna wait a second longer, Jared,” his co-star groaned, hot breath fanning across the back of his neck in gusts of moist air. And in the same moment, Jared felt an unmistakable hardness poke at the back of his upper thigh, the still slick cock rubbing against him every time Jeffrey moved. Instantly his mind started to spin fast enough for him to forget how to breathe. With wide eyes he was staring blankly down at the bark between his hands, trying to understand was happening. It was like his mind had short-circuited, unable to process any of this.


	2. Chapter 2

“Sssh, it’s alright. Just relax for me, okay?” Jeffrey breathed against his nape, making a new chill roll down Jared’s spine. As the words tumbled around inside his head without really translating into anything that made sense, Jared felt one of Jeffrey’s hands release its grip on him – only to slide down the length of his back and in between his ass cheeks. A mix between a gasp and a yelp escaped him and he automatically jumped the little he was capable of, mind reeling.

“Jeff…!” he burst out, trying to straighten up once more. But the attempt seemed strangely weak and half-hearted, and his co-star easily pushed him back down by just applying some of his weight to his upper back. It seemed close to effortless. In the blink of an eye, Jared found himself back at square one, face dipped down towards the tree trunk and with his naked ass in the air.

“Easy…” Jeff’s gruff voice soothed and Jared let out a guttural sound when a fingertip suddenly began to circle his entrance. He had never been touched there before and the sensation felt so weird and alien - but it also felt like it made the coil in his abdomen tighten further. _‘What’s wrong with you?!’_ his mind wailed somewhere in the back of his head, and he shivered.

“Don’t worry, I’m not gonna hurt ya. I came prepared,” Jeffrey said, and suddenly the finger retreated. Jared didn’t know if he should be relieved or not – and that thought alone scared him beyond belief. Why was he feeling so damn conflicted? And why did it feel like small lightning bolts were zapping through his loins every other second? He should be completely repelled, he should be running! But he wasn’t. Instead, his dick was still treacherously hard, throbbing and twitching in the warm air as if he was some hormonal teenager. This shouldn’t be happening.

‘Click.’

The sudden sound pierced the silence of the meadow, and Jared instantly wanted to turn his head to look over his shoulder and locate the source of it. But he didn’t. He couldn’t. It felt like he would simply die from embarrassment if he as much as looked in Jeffrey’s direction right now. So, instead, he kept glaring at the bark between his hands, mind racing to figure out what had made the clicking sound.

“Just relax,” Jeffrey said, the hand still wrapped around Jared’s chest and moving in repetitive circles on the outside of his T-shirt, seemingly trying to offer some sort of comfort. Under different circumstances it would definitely have felt soothing, but right now Jared was as tense as a spring ready to snap and he simply couldn’t stop his trembling. Then something wet and cold was suddenly drizzled onto his ass, dripping down and into his crack in gooey drops, and he nearly let out a shriek.

“Sorry…” Jeffrey whispered into the damp locks of hair at the back of his neck, his beard grazing the skin there.

“It’ll warm up quickly,” the older man added, and suddenly the finger returned to Jared’s ass, slipping in between his cheeks once again - but this time it moved smoothly, completely covered in the slick substance. _‘He brought lube,’_ Jared’s mind dead-panned, unable to quite fathom that he had apparently planned this. But he didn’t have the time to ponder, because the finger was now circling his hole again, gently rubbing and probing and caressing.

“Ah…!”

Jared didn’t even realize that he made a sound before it had reached his ears, and he didn’t understand how his voice could possibly be sounding like that. It sounded… Different. Almost like a whine.

“Spread your legs a little,” Jeffrey’s voice said, and Jared felt a knee nudge him lightly, guiding his trembling limbs further out to the side. And he didn’t resist. Instead, his legs just seemed to wobble under him as they parted further. Why didn’t he resist? In the swirl of different emotions and thoughts whirling around in his head, he couldn’t seem to find an answer to that question. Not one that he felt comfortable addressing, anyway.

“Good boy,” Jeffrey moaned in his ear and for some reason, the weird heat in Jared’s loins seemed to flare up by the unexpected praise. _‘Are you liking this?!’_ his mind asked in bewilderment, and he honestly didn’t know what to answer. Or maybe he did? 

The finger circling his hole then suddenly began to push against the furled muscle, the slick digit pressing and probing at it, making Jared suck in a sharp breath through his teeth - and he shot his head up, no longer able to keep staring passively at the tree trunk below. 

“Fuck…!” he heard himself burst out, and he wanted to scramble away from the touch and push back against the finger at the same time.

“Whoa, easy, tiger…!” Jeffrey groaned in a chuckle, feeling how the muscular body twitched and flexed under his hands. And then he pressed a little harder, wiggling his fingertip just a little bit – but just enough for the tense muscle to begin to give in to the pressure. Jared felt himself writhe, unable to hold back a grunt – if it was one of discomfort or arousal he didn’t know. Maybe both? _‘You need to stop!’_ his mind begged, but he couldn’t really hear it over the roaring of his pulse in his ears.

“So needy…” Jeffrey moaned under his breath, wiggling the digit faster and pressing it harder against the slowly softening muscle. Feeling how sweat was accumulating in his hairline and covering his skin in a thin sheet Jared let out something close to a whine when his body finally gave in to the relentless push, letting the tip of Jeffrey’s index finger slip inside of him.

“Oh!! God…!” he groaned, nearly growled, when he felt himself stretching around the digit. It was such an alien feeling, his walls working to adjust and hugging Jeffrey’s finger too tight for comfort.

“That’s it, that’s it, just relax,” Jeffrey coaxed, and again that warm breath fanned across the back of Jared’s neck carrying with it a scent of bourbon and menthol chewing gum. Shivering like a leaf Jared convinced himself to just stand still, to just breathe for a moment and get his mind to stop spinning.

“Arch your back a little bit,” Jeffrey then said in a throaty voice. And without even thinking Jared did as he was told, letting his lower back dip down just a little. Frowning he let out a small gasp when he realized that he was actually complying.

“Good boy…! Feels better now, doesn’t it?” Jeffrey asked as he moved his finger a bit and pushed it in deeper. This time it slid in to the first knuckle, and Jared let out a sound that he didn’t know how to decipher. But his back was still arched. And it _did_ kind of make it feel better. It didn’t really hurt as he expected it to either. And the coil in his abdomen was tightening further, making him bite back a moan. Baffled he realized that he was still rock hard, his cock sticking out between his legs and nearly touching his belly, red and angry.

“I’m gonna make you feel so fucking good,” Jeffrey said breathlessly, wiggling the finger and pushing it in deeper. This time Jared couldn’t stifle a moan – it spilled from his lips before he could stop it, the sound just tumbling out of him of its own accord. In response his co-star pulled away the hand pressed against his chest, placing it on his hip instead as he straightened up a little. Now there was nothing holding Jared down, no weight tugging on him or forcing him to stay bent over _. ‘You can run,’_ his mind stated, buzzing in his head like some sort of white static in the background. But that was all it was. White static. Because it was like he didn’t notice it, didn’t even hear it. Instead, he kept his hands placed on the tree trunk, head dipped down and ass in the air _. ‘Like a bitch in heat,’_ his mind mumbled hazily.

“God, Jared…” Jeffrey groaned as he pushed the finger in deeper, this time letting it slide in all the way to the third knuckle. Jared instantly let out a strangled moan, straining every muscle in his body to just stay still. If he didn’t he was certain that his body would move on its own – either to run away or to push back against the intruding digit. He didn’t know which. All he knew right now was that the finger in his ass was sending zaps of tingly heat through him, making his mind reel and his breath hitch. And if he wasn’t mistaken it felt like his cock was practically drooling pre-come now, slickness oozing from the tip of it.

“Ready for another?” Jeffrey asked. But it wasn’t really a question, and before Jared could process it another finger started to push at his entrance. A whine escaped him and a strange burning sensation rippled through him as he was stretched further, his walls dully stinging as they were forced to expand. The heat in his loins instantly seemed to flare up as the new finger wiggled in next to the other one, and this time he couldn’t stop his body from reacting, couldn’t stand still. It was too much. Before he became aware of what he was doing he just moved – and to his disbelief he found himself pushing back against Jeffrey’s fingers, impaling himself on them. As they slid inside of him as deep as they could go, he felt his eyes roll to the back of his head when an exhilarating mix of pain and want surged through him, ripping a loud moan from his throat.

“Holy shit!” Jeffrey burst out, hooded eyes staring down at Jared’s ass as it swallowed his fingers.

“I knew it. You’re hungry for more already, aren’t ya?” he groaned, letting go of Jared’s hip to stroke himself. He was achingly hard, his cock throbbing in his hand and nearly pulsing with excitement.

“I’ll give you more,” he said, spreading his fingers a little inside of Jared, making him tremble and let out a hoarse cry. But it wasn’t a pained one. Not entirely, at least. Sure, the stretch stung and his walls were complaining because they weren’t able to adjust quite fast enough – but at the same time the heat in his loins overrode that fact, and all Jared focused on right now was a sudden need making its presence known in his mind and seemingly everywhere. And wall he had built in his mind began to wobble, holes getting punched into the otherwise solid defense.

“Please…!” he heard himself whine, voice dripping with desperation. Instantly the fingers inside of him stilled a little, and Jared bit his bottom lip hard enough to almost draw blood.

“Please what?” Jeffrey’s throaty voice asked. Cursing himself in his mind Jared’s mouth dropped open when he wanted to answer – only he didn’t know what to say. _‘Tell him to stop,’_ his mind whispered. But it didn’t really sound convincing this time. Not at all. And Jared ended up just letting out a moan when the older man resumed fucking him with his fingers.

“You’re so fucking hot…” Jeffrey said, wiggling his fingers in earnest and spreading them, earning another moan from Jared.

“God, I can’t wait to feel you around my cock!” he added and instantly Jared’s eyes shot wide open by the words. In the same moment, Jeffrey curled his fingers, letting their tips lightly nudge the little bundle of nerves hidden deep inside of the tight channel. The reaction was instant. With a shocked whine, Jared felt his body push back against the fingers once again, and his dick twitched violently in response.

“Oh, god! Oh, fuck…!” he heard himself groan and he felt how pre-come was now dripping into the grass and onto the tree trunk below, the clear fluid landing in wet spatters here and there. 

“Mm, that’s the spot, isn’t it?” Jeffrey moaned, striking his prostate once more. A cry escaped Jared when the heat in his loins multiplied and grew into a roaring fire in a matter of seconds. In the same moment, the older man leaned down, snaking an arm around Jared to grab a hold of his neglected cock. As his fingers closed around the engorged flesh a loud moan was ripped from the young man’s throat and for a moment he was certain that he was going to come right then and there, his mind close to slipping away from him.

“Nghh! Ahh…!! Fuck, please…! P-Please!” Jared heard himself babble, and he realized that he was arching his back even more without being instructed to.

“Oh, I like it when you beg…” Jeffrey said under his breath, giving Jared’s dick a long, firm stroke. With fingers still buried mercilessly in his ass, the additional touch sent an overload of sensation through Jared’s body, making him shake and writhe while a string of ‘ah’s and ‘please’s spilled from him. It seemed like he had lost control of himself – and he didn’t even know when it had happened. It just sort of did. He couldn’t even hear that protesting voice in his head anymore, wasn’t sure if it was there at all. He couldn’t think right now, it seemed. In fact, he couldn’t do anything. He could only feel how the intense zaps of arousal shot through him, washing away all thought processes and turning his brain into mush.

“Want me to fuck you, Jared?”

The question seemed to zing through him like some sort of stray bullet, bouncing off every nerve ending on its way. As it ricocheted around Jared let out a strangled sound, unable to focus on anything but the fire in his loins, his dick, everywhere. Jeffrey then leaned down a little further, his hot breath hitting Jared’s nape and the side of his neck:

“Yeah, bet you want me to stick my cock in you…” he whispered, a husky bass seeping into his voice. In the same moment, the fingers suddenly retreated from Jared’s ass, slipping out with a wet sound. Instantly he let out a whimper, feeling how his walls were suddenly contracting around nothing, empty and quivering.

“So needy. But don’t worry,” Jeffrey moaned as he grabbed a hold of himself, eagerly lining up. As soon as the fat head of his cock began to press against Jared’s slick and puffy hole, the young man let out a desperate whine.

“Ssh...” Jeffrey said, working his hand a little harder up and down Jared’s cock, making him tremble and loudly gasp for air.

“Gonna fuck you so good,” Jeffrey groaned, pressing a little harder against the furled muscle. Even though the pink flesh was prepped and had been slobbered in generous amounts of lube it was still resisting, the tight channel automatically clenching.

“C’mon, let me in…” he mumbled, stroking Jared a little faster to loosen up his body. Moans were making their way out of his mouth now without his permission, mixed in with whimpers and what sounded like bits and pieces of words that didn’t make sense. His entire body was slick with sweat, glistening in the sunlight and turning his brown hair even darker as it hung down in front of his face. Staring at the bark on the tree trunk below – though without actually seeing anything - Jared gritted his teeth when the hand on his dick sped up, stroking him expertly and almost pushing him over the edge.

“Please…! Jeff…!” he heard himself whimper. But he didn’t know what he was begging for. Not anymore. A rumble from somewhere deep in Jeffrey’s chest then reached his ears, and he felt how his body finally gave in to the relentless pressure. When he was breached and the thick cock slipped inside of him he was certain that he was going to pass out, arousal, pain and need flashing through him with enough force to completely steal his breath away. Something close to a wail escaped him and he dug his fingers into the bark on the tree trunk as if he was clinging on to it for dear life.

“Oh, fuck…!” Jeffrey moaned, forcing himself to still a little to let the clenching channel adjust to his girth. Even though only the head of his cock was inside Jared felt like he was already being split in two, the burn fierce and red-hot. Still, the stubborn fire in his loins didn’t go away and his dick twitched in excitement. Sucking in one sharp breath after the other Jared realized that he suddenly wasn’t entirely sure if he wanted Jeffrey to pull out or continue what he was doing. How could he not be sure? Once again the wall in his mind seemed to wobble, deep cracks spreading and beginning to transform into holes that gradually grew bigger and bigger.

“Damn… So tight…” Jeffrey grunted – and now he started pushing again, slowly sinking an inch deeper into the hot body hugging his cock like a vice made of velvet. Jared let out a choked sound, fingernails digging into the bark on the tree trunk as his thighs shook and trembled. His body fought and strained to stay in the same position instead of just crumbling to the ground in a boneless heap. As lactic acid built in his muscles he found himself questioning why he was even making the effort to stay upright – if he let himself fall down, all of this could very well come to an end, right? But did he want it to?

A hoarse groan made it out from somewhere deep in Jeffrey’s chest when he bucked his hips, sinking the last long inches into the slick tightness, heavy balls now resting against the other man’s. As Jared felt his body stretch and quiver to accommodate the thick length he let out a keening sort of noise. It sounded almost like a sob. Like a sound of reluctant surrender. But he wasn’t sure at all. What he _was_ sure of though, was that his dick was hardening even more as Jeffrey’s hand kept stroking it, skilled fingers working up and down the shaft with impressive accuracy. It seemed like his co-star knew just how he liked to be touched, just where to focus his attention. Like he knew all of his secrets. And it felt close to magical. 

“Ughh…! Oh! Oh, god, Jeff…!”

Jared didn’t even notice that he was saying anything – all of his focus was on the fire engulfing his loins, his dick, his abdomen, everything. It felt like flames were devouring his entire body, leaving him to whimper as the very last remnants of logical thought left him. As it did the imaginary wall in his head toppled over, bricks and rubble crashing down in a blast of dust and broken denial.

“Please! Oh! Please, please…!” he babbled, letting out a cry when Jeffrey began to pull back out. As the veiny length dragged against his walls, Jared didn’t know if it was bliss or agony. He truly didn’t. But still, he found himself twitching in Jeffrey’s hand, hips jerking as he sought out more friction.

“That’s it, baby. Just let go,” the older man’s voice breathed heavily. Jared wasn’t sure what he meant exactly, but he quickly abandoned figuring it out when his co-star began to push back in. The sting of the stretch wasn’t as intense this time – but the fire in his loins sure was. In fact, it felt like a wildfire out of control and suddenly Jared could feel himself clamp down on the cock in his ass, eyes rolling to the back of his head. A raging tidal wave of want surged through him and his hips stuttered, making his dick thrust into Jeffrey’s slicked up fist. And he knew that there was no escaping it now. No going back. The wall was gone. With a strangled whine he hit the point of no return, slamming into it head-on with a hundred miles per hour, back arching and muscles involuntarily flexing.

“Fuck, yeah! That’s it, cum for me, Jared…!” Jeffrey growled, reading the younger man’s body like an open book. And with that he sped up, thrusting his hips and burying himself to the hilt in the warm body below. A grunt escaped him and he pulled back out – only to push back in a little faster, a little rougher. With dark eyes fixed on the tanned skin below he set a vicious pace, slamming himself against Jared with fast snaps of his hips. The sound of skin slapping against skin was loud and delicious and wrong and hot, and Jared writhed while small, white stars began to fill his vision. Everything had been set alight, every small inch of his body was screaming. And he found himself rocking back and forth, chasing an orgasm he hadn’t known that he wanted.

“Fuck!! Oh! P-Please, fuck me!” he burst out in a whine, mind gone. And he kept clumsily rocking back and forth, impaling himself on Jeffrey’s cock when he moved backwards and thrusting his dick into his fist when he moved forwards. The sensory overload was too much but not enough all at the same time and Jared felt his body stiffen, the white stars in his vision multiplying in numbers. And he knew that he was lost.

As Jeffrey’s hands tightened their grip on his hip and his dick, Jared’s mouth dropped open in a scream, pleasure overwhelming his body and mind. A spasm rolled through him when Jeffrey pumped his cock into him over and over again, stretching him, using him, fucking him mercilessly. The hand on his cock was a blur now, and Jared forgot how to breathe, his entire body tensing up. It felt like he couldn’t contain it. Like he was bursting at the seams with sensation.

“Fuuu-ackk…!!!” he roared, thrusting mindlessly into Jeffrey’s fist and pushing his ass back against him hard enough to almost make him lose his balance. A deep groan was ripped from the older man as the slick channel clenched and twitched around him - and Jared almost convulsed when finally the stars in his vision exploded in a bright flash of white, completely blinding him when the fire in his loins erupted. His hips stuttered as long ropes of cum spurted from his cock, splattering up on his chest and on to the tree trunk below. Simultaneously something that felt like lightning bolts zapped through him in forceful bursts, making every muscle fiber in his body tense and flex and shake. Everything felt amazing. So amazing that he wasn’t sure if it was real or not. And it felt like he just kept coming, fat drops drooling into the grass and running down over Jeffrey’s hand in sticky, white globs. 

As Jared cramped and jerked he slowly began to come down from his high, his ass clamping down on the older man so hard that it almost hurt him. And that little tinge of pain was beyond delicious, making Jeffrey grunt and buck his hips faster, both of his hands now settling on Jared’s hips. His fingertips were digging into the skin there hard enough to bruise, and Jared sucked in a huge gulp of air, filling his lungs to the brim when he finally regained his ability to breathe, the orgasm releasing him from its delightful and crushing grip. Even though his cock had been released it was still twitching and droplets of cum still dripped from it every time his co-star rammed into him.

“Oh, shit! Oh, fuck, Jared, I’m-I’m gonna…!” Jeffrey grunted, reveling in the moans that were spilling from the young man’s lips every time he fucked into him. In his post-orgasmic haze, Jared didn’t even realize that he was making any sound – instead, he was trying to just breathe. But even that small task seemed incredibly difficult right now. And his heart was still pounding so hard and fast in his chest that it felt like it would leap right out of him.

A guttural sound escaped Jeffrey, and his thrusts grew erratic, fingers kneading and digging into Jared’s hips frantically. Like he was trying to ground himself as his mind began to slip from him, trying to short-circuit from all of the stimuli. Pistoning his hips he kept slamming into the almost feverish body hugging him so tight that he couldn’t help but let out a series of rumbling growls. And he felt it building like smoldering embers turning into roaring flames in his loins, in his groin, all over. Every inch of him was aching for release – and the moans coming from Jared only fueled the fire, made it burn hotter and brighter each second.

As the young man kept twitching and clenching around him, Jeffrey was pretty sure that his dick was being rubbed completely raw from the friction and the tight fit despite all the lube. But he didn’t care. Not one bit. Instead, it egged him on, his mind spiking with renewed want every time that hint of pain rippled through him. And he was getting close. A part of him wanted to stall, wanted this to last longer. But even if he tried he knew that it wouldn’t work. He didn’t stand a chance at postponing an orgasm, because he was already being pushed past that devilish point of no return, slamming into a new level of arousal when Jared clenched around him just a little harder.

With a roar Jeffrey leaned down a little, grabbing a hold of Jared’s hair in one of his big hands, gathering the chestnut locks in a loose ponytail. And then he pulled. As Jared’s head was forced back a little the young man let out a small whimper mixed with a moan. And that was all it took. A split second later Jeffrey felt himself jerk violently when his mind finally slipped completely, a mental white-out washing away everything but the all-consuming want. White-hot tendrils of fire shot from his groin, connecting to what felt like every single nerve ending in his body – and he cramped, bucking against Jared hard enough to rip another whimper from his throat.

As the tug on his hair intensified, Jared felt Jeffrey grow impossibly hard inside of him and almost painfully big. And the man behind him then spasmed, a choked growl trying to make it out of his mouth. It didn’t though. Not really. Instead, it ended up sounding like someone getting punched in the gut, guttural and raw and loud. And Jared let out a moan when his co-star’s cock throbbed and pulsed inside of him, cum shooting from it in what felt like hard jets. Filling up his insides in an instant, Jared felt how some of the white substance was seeping out around Jeffrey’s cock, dribbling down the insides of his thighs in small streams when there wasn’t enough room inside of him to hold it all.

“Ahhhh! F-Fuck…!” Jeffrey choked, snapping his hips a few more times as he let the quivering hole milk him completely dry. The sounds their bodies were making were filthy and wet and covered in a sheet of sweat Jeffrey finally let himself collapse, wrapping his arms around Jared from behind.

Both panting and trembling they just stood there as they tried to steady their breathing, tried to cling to each other because neither of them trusted their legs to be able to carry them right now. As they stood there feeling lightheaded and leaning against the fallen trunk, they were close to slumping right down on its hard surface or maybe into the tall grass below, the physical exertion clearly taking its toll. Jeffrey was nearly draped across Jared’s back, but thankfully he didn’t apply too much weight – if he did Jared would drop like a bag of potatoes.

“Fuck…” Jeffrey repeated, this time in a low and almost wheezy voice. As he breathed rapid puffs of air swept across Jared’s nape, caressing the sweaty skin there and he let his fingers gently rub the younger man’s chest through the T-shirt that he was still wearing.

“That… That was amazing…” Jeffrey whispered and placed a small kiss on the back of his neck.

“Just like you,” he added, exhaling deeply. His fingers kept moving in soothing circles on the outside of the damp cotton shirt, and he felt how the body underneath it shivered.

“Hey, come here…” he said softly and began to straighten up, releasing Jared from the reverse bear hug. As he moved his softening dick slipped out of the still clenching hole, and Jared couldn’t help but gasp when warm globs of semen followed it and trickled down his inner thighs in new, sticky streams. Wobbly on his feet Jared then felt the older man tug lightly on his shoulder, turning him around to face him. And he let himself get maneuvered around, way too dizzy and far too stunned to be making any decisions on his own right now.

“Are you okay?”

Jeffrey’s voice was just as warm and compassionate as it always was, genuine concern suddenly lacing it. Realizing that he was pretty much just staring into blank space Jared forced himself to focus his eyes on his co-star’s. They looked just like his voice sounded. Warm and caring. A stark contrast to what had just taken place, really.

“Did I hurt you?”

Knitting his brows together Jared shortly wondered what a sane person would answer. He was pretty sure he knew. Hell, he was certain of it. But for some strange reason, he couldn’t say it, couldn’t really feel it. Instead, he just kept staring at Jeffrey, trying to stop his head from spinning and failing to. His entire body felt like it had liquefied. His mind too.

“Hey… Hey, talk to me…” Jeffrey said, and Jared felt his big hands cupping his face, thumbs grazing his jawline. As fingers brushed some tangled locks of hair out of his face Jared blinked, trying to keep his gaze locked on Jeffrey’s eyes. Had they always had those golden specks in them? When the sun hit them just right, he looked almost like some Greek deity or something, he realized.

“Jared, did I hurt you?” Jeffrey asked again, and this time there was a sort of urgency present in his voice. He sounded almost… Scared. Feeling his mind battling to come fully back online Jared blinked again, knowing that he had to answer.

“I… I don’t know… I-I don’t think so…” he managed to say, voice cracking a little.

“Oh, god…” Jeffrey said under his breath, and Jared thought he felt his fingers tremble just a little as they caressed his face.

“I shouldn’t have forced it… I know I shouldn’t, I just … I couldn’t… Couldn’t bear it any longer. And now I’ve hurt you… ” he said, his glance dropping and settling somewhere on the ground between them.

“I’m a selfish bastard, I’m such a—“ 

“No,” Jared suddenly heard himself say, interrupting his co-star’s flow of words. Puzzled Jeffrey flicked his gaze back up to look at him, confusion painted on his face.

“What? Y-You don’t think I’m a bastard?” he asked in bewilderment, brown eyes wide and perplexed. His thumbs were still carefully brushing against the sides of Jared’s face, and the tremble from before had definitely grown stronger.

“You _are_ a bastard, but… But you didn’t hurt me…” Jared said lowly.

“I mean… What you did was fucked up, but… I think… I think you had to,” he added, swallowing. For a moment Jeffrey was looking at him like he suddenly had antennas poking out of his head.

“What?” he just said, baffled.

“You were right. I needed some persuading,” Jared said, eyes locked on Jeffrey’s which just seemed to grow wider and wider.

“But I forced you…!” Jeffrey burst out.

“Yeah. Because you had to. If you hadn’t I’d never have said yes,” Jared dead-panned.

“I’d just keep dreaming and never have the guts to do anything about it…” he said, his hands ever so carefully placing themselves on Jeffrey’s waist. Slowly, tentatively. Like he wasn't sure if he could physically complete the task. A shaky exhale escaped the older man.

“So, you… You’re okay with this?” he asked.

“I wouldn’t put it that way. I mean, I needed a push. Not to be shoved off a cliff,” Jared said, feeling a tiny, insecure smile tugging on the corners of his mouth.

“I’m sorry,” Jeffrey said, his hands gripping Jared a little tighter, thumbs brushing a little faster. It seemed like the older man’s breath hitched a little in his throat as he said the words.

“I’m so sorry, Jared… Can you forgive me?” he asked, his gaze sincere and nervous and locked on Jared’s eyes while he searched them, tried to read his expression. It was hard though. Because even Jared himself wasn’t sure about anything right now. Still, he felt his heart doing those weird acrobatics in his chest again, a warmth fluttering to life once more when his co-star looked at him like that.

“I don’t know...” he managed to say, uncertain if his voice was going to crack or not. Surprisingly it came out even, but the insecurity lacing it was more than evident.

“I can’t lose you… Please, Jared, I-I can’t lose you…!” Jeffrey blurted out in a hoarse whisper, thumbs moving almost frantically against the young man’s heated skin, grazing stubble and smearing out droplets of sweat in the process. Was that excess water beginning to brim in his eyes?

“You won’t lose me. I just… I need a little time to…” Jared said, trailing off a bit. He then bit his bottom lip thoughtfully, squeezing Jeffrey’s sides a little.

“… To wrap my head around this,” he said, sending Jeffrey the smallest of smiles. And it was true. He needed some distance, he needed to come to terms with the fact that his co-star had just fucked him raw out here in the middle of nowhere. That he had just taken what he wanted. Even though he hadn’t really had much of a choice, it still hurt. And it was bizarre – because if he had just asked for it like a normal person Jared would have definitely turned him down, lacking the courage to just say yes. Even though he wanted it too. God, he had wanted it for ages. Badly. So, who forced who when it came down to it? Surely it had been bound to happen like this, one way or the other… And Jeffrey wasn’t to blame for that. And now that wall of denial was finally gone too, broken down into nothing but pebbles and dust. It felt kind of liberating, actually.

“Whatever you need, I’ll do it,” Jeffrey said, his otherwise gruff voice sounding impossibly soft.

“Just know that I didn’t mean to hurt you. I really didn’t. I was desperate… And selfish… But… I love you,” he said, exhaling shakily. Jared’s heart instantly felt like it did a cartwheel in his chest.

“God, I love you so much…!” Jeffrey said, and now there was no doubt in Jared’s mind that his co-star was on the verge of crying, the water brimming in his eyes threatening to spill down his cheeks.

“I love you too.” 

The words left Jared’s lips before he had given them permission to. But they were true. He really _did_ love Jeffrey. He had loved him ever since they met for the first time, had dreamt about him and longed for him ever since they were introduced after the initial auditions. And after that, every damn day on set had been a challenge. Every little touch, every dialogue, every stolen glance. And now it felt like that burden had disappeared, had lifted off his shoulders. It might still be a secret to the rest of the world, but at least now he _knew_. He knew what he wanted. Finally. 

“You do? Really??” Jeffrey asked, nearly sniffled. Jared felt his heart flutter at the vulnerability in the other man’s voice, how it shook in hopeful optimism that he had heard him right.

“Yeah. Always have,” Jared said, smiling at him. Instantly Jeffrey’s eyes widened and he cracked a wide smile, relief flashing across his features along with a jumbled up mess of a dozen other emotions. And he moved to wrap his arms around Jared – but he hurried to stop himself, nearly stumbling on his own feet as he came to a halt, insecure gaze flicking up to look at the younger man:

“Can I… Can I hug you?” he asked. Once again Jared felt like his heart fluttered around in his chest like some hyperactive butterfly, and he too cracked a smile and nodded – but he didn’t wait for Jeffrey to close the distance between them. He did that himself, wrapping his arms around his co-star in a gentle embrace. A shiver ran through both of them as they pressed flush against each other, still naked from the waist down. But this time the sexual tension had eased, leaving them to just appreciate the warmth and the closeness. Sated they just stood there, wrapped in each other’s arms and listening to the mix of birds chirping and bees buzzing in the meadow. Jared was pretty sure he could literally feel the steady beat of Jeffrey’s heart, the vein on the side of his neck pulsing against his own. It felt soothing. Grounding, even. It felt like time slowed down a little too, and he exhaled deeply, just memorizing every little tiny detail around him.

Neither of them wanted to pull back, but they couldn’t stand like this forever. The hue of the sun’s rays had turned darker, sliding from a warm yellow into a smoldering orange, and judging by that it had to be getting late. Afternoon had probably turned to evening, and they both knew that they had to head back if they didn’t want someone to come look for them. Hell, maybe the police might even get informed that two of the show’s actors had gone missing.

“We should probably go back,” Jared said lowly, but he didn’t let go. Instead, he just inhaled Jeffrey’s scent, trying to analyze and break down every little note of it. Some spicy cologne that smelled like petrichor, earthy and rich. And hints of salty sweat mixed with flowery shampoo. And then that occasional whiff of bourbon and menthol chewing gum. If he could bottle it he would.

“Yeah, probably…” Jeffrey said reluctantly, loosening his grip a little.

“Can’t we just stay here?” he mumbled, nuzzling the tip of his nose into Jared’s shoulder.

“We might have to… Unless you stop sticking to me like that,” Jared said, suppressing a small grin when he finally pulled back a little to look down between their bodies. Jeffrey’s flaccid dick was pressing against his groin, lube, sweat and cum practically gluing them together. Jared couldn’t help but cringe a little when he moved, the sticky mess of cooled down liquids pulling at his skin and at the small hairs covering it – but it didn’t stop an awkward laugh from escaping both of them.

“What, you don’t wanna go on set like this?” Jeffrey joked, sounding offended.

“I think I look good on you!” he added with a snort and pulled back far enough for their skin to finally stop sticking together.

“You definitely do…” Jared smiled, feeling himself blush anew. His co-star was looking at him, still with that smile plastered on his lips. And he just kept looking. Like Jared was the only thing in existence right now.

“Come on, we gotta go…” Jared forced himself to say, a little flustered, and picked up his jeans from the grass. Brushing some ants off the denim he flicked his gaze back up to look at Jeffrey – the man was still just ogling him, a warm smile decorating his lips.

“Hold on a sec,” Jeffrey then said, pulling something out of the back pocket of his jeans that still hung in a loose mess around his upper thighs, bundled under his balls. How he had avoided dropping the piece of clothing during the act was pretty much a mystery to Jared, but it didn’t really matter after all.

“Here,” Jeffrey said and handed him a bundle of folded napkins. He recognized them as the ones from the catering truck because the wrinkled paper wore its logo.

“Better clean up a little,” the older man smiled, beginning to wipe himself off. Jared just looked at him for a moment.

“How long did you plan this?” he asked and let the soft paper tissue pick up the slick smeared across his groin. His co-star let out a small huff.

“Since forever. I mean, I didn’t really know when or how exactly, but… It turned out to be today,” he said lowly, something sounding a lot like guilt creeping into his voice. Jared just nodded and cringed a little when he wiped off the semen and lube splattered between his ass cheeks. 

“So, you’ve just been walking around with lube and napkins in your pocket since day one?” Jared asked, stifling a tiny chuckle trying to break free. Jeffrey let out another huff.

“Gotta be prepared, right?” he said, zipping up his jeans and buttoning them. With a small sigh, he then dropped the soiled napkins in the grass and placed his hands on his hips.

“Is that creepy?” he asked, now sounding just a little bit amused. This time it was Jared who let out a huff.

“Very!” he said and stuck his feet into his jeans, clumsily pulling them up while trying not to fall over. He still felt unsteady and wobbly on his feet and his too-long legs didn’t exactly help that fact.

“Well, I guess I’m just a creepy kind of guy then,” Jeffrey chuckled and sent him an apologetic yet playful sort of smile.

“You ready to go back?” he then asked, watching as Jared buttoned and zipped his jeans. There were some dark stains on his T-shirt right in the middle of his chest – he had tried to wipe off the spatters of his own release, but it had only seemed to make matters worse and worked the sticky substance even deeper into the cotton. 

“Umm, yeah, I think so…” Jared said, looking down at the soiled fabric.

“I can get you a clean shirt before we go back if you want?” Jeffrey offered, his brown eyes radiating with both compassion and sympathy as Jared shook his head. 

“Nah, I’m good,” he said, sending his co-star a smile:

“I’ll change once I get to my trailer.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah.”

Jeffrey smiled at him and nodded. He shortly raked a hand through his hair while he let his gaze wander over the meadow, taking in the scenery. He wanted to memorize every single tiny detail of this place. From the smell of the lupines and poppies to the buzzing of the bees. From the hue of the sun and how it warmed the bark on the tree trunk… But most of all the warmth of Jared’s body hugging him tightly, the gleam in his hazel eyes, the chestnut locks of his hair swaying back and forth in the breeze… The pink of his lips, the tan of his skin moving like smooth silk under his hands and—

“Let’s go,” Jared said, pulling him out of his train of thought. Blinking Jeffrey watched as the tall man started walking, dry grass crunching under his shoes and flowers reluctantly bending out of his way as he tried his best not to step on them. It was beautiful. _He_ was beautiful.

“Alright,” Jeffrey mumbled. He really didn’t want to go. He didn’t want to leave this place, didn’t want to leave what had happened here behind. If he did he was afraid that all it was gonna be was a cherished memory. What if Jared changed his mind? Swallowing he forced himself to put the thought aside and just follow Jared – but then he stopped in his tracks:

“Oh, wait! I almost forgot…” he burst out and turned around towards the tree trunk. Frowning Jared stopped as well, watching as Jeffrey fished the gun out of the grass from behind the fallen tree. Automatically the young man tensed a little, his gaze locking on the silvery weapon. With a small smile, Jeffrey tucked it back in the waistband of his jeans, letting the back of his T-shirt cover the handgun’s grip. He then walked up to Jared and without a word they started to walk along the forest edge towards the bend of it – once they rounded that bend they both knew that they would be able to see the trailers in the distance. Civilization. They would head back to their everyday lives. Or what was left of it, anyway. Because, hopefully, it wouldn’t be quite the same.

“I thought you hated guns,” Jared suddenly said absentmindedly. Looking at him out of the corner of his eye Jeffrey couldn’t help but smile. The young man looked almost pouty, long locks of his hair dangling down in front of his face and his hands stuffed into his jeans’ pockets as he walked.

“I do. I never understood what’s so cool about them and why people wanna own ‘em. They’re bad news. I just wanna return this mother to set and forget how it feels to hold it because I never want to again. Not like this, anyway…” Jeffrey mumbled, almost shuddering as he all too vividly remembered the look of fear in Jared’s eyes when he had pulled it on him. Now, _there_ was something he couldn’t take back.

“I thought you were gonna-wait, what???” Jared began, cutting himself off mid-sentence. With big eyes he stopped and turned to look at Jeffrey, jaws slack:

“It’s… It’s a fuckin’ prop??” he asked in bafflement, eyeing Jeffrey up and down. For a brief moment, the older man looked almost surprised at Jared’s outburst, eyes just as wide as his.

“Well… Yeah,” he said, a careful smile making its way to his eyes and lighting them up a little.

“I’d _never_ pull a real gun on you,” he stated, letting his lips curve into a smile that he hoped would maybe appease the young man just a little. He knew that he didn’t deserve it though. Not one bit. Jared just glared at him for a few seconds, disbelief painted on his face. 

“But I thought… I really thought you were serious...! I believed you,” he said, sounding close to stunned.

“I _was_ serious. But I’d never hurt you, not on purpose. And definitely not aim a real gun at you,” Jeffrey said, feeling how guilt was wrapping around his heart heavily enough to make it sink in his chest.

“I… I was so convinced…” Jared whispered, eyes still as big and round as saucers. Jeffrey let out a small huff.

“I guess I’m in the right line of business then,” he said, and Jared was pretty sure that even though the older man was smiling he didn’t mean it. He looked sad. How can you look sad while smiling? _‘When you’re not really trying to act anymore,’_ Jared’s mind piped up, and he felt a genuine smile tugging a little on his own lips by this realization. At least Jeffrey was being honest with him now. So honest that his eyes were once again beginning to water a bit, it seemed.

“It’s okay…” Jared said, and he discovered that his hand had found Jeffrey’s, fingers carefully interlacing.

“It’s really not. It’s only fair if you hate me,” Jeffrey mumbled, sending him an almost timid sort of look. Jared let out a small huff, squeezing his hand. 

“I can’t hate you, and you know it. So, quit it,” he said and began to pull on his arm to drag him along towards the forest bend.

“C’mon, we really gotta go,” he said, noticing a red color slowly beginning to seep from the sun and filtering through some thin clouds, bathing the meadow in a smoky sort of glow. Jeffrey let out a protesting grunt, but he followed the pull and let Jared lead him towards the bend. As small twigs and dry vegetation got crushed under their soles, bees and butterflies scattered in all directions and it was really the only sound for what seemed like miles. And the forest bend came closer and closer. It almost felt like it was a divide between two worlds… A boundary between possible and impossible.

“Jared?” Jeffrey said softly, coming to a halt. As he stopped, so did Jared when he felt the tug on his hand.

“Yeah?”

“Do you think… Do you think maybe I can… Come see you in your trailer once in a while?” Jeffrey asked. He sounded close to shy. Close to scared, even. Jared squeezed his hand a little firmer.

“Yeah. Yeah, eventually. But… Just let me come to _you_ next time, okay?” he said, sending him a small smile. Jeffrey nodded, and his lips curved into a tiny smile. He wanted to ask ‘when’, but didn’t dare. He didn’t want to put pressure on Jared, and he knew that he sure as hell didn’t have the right to either. And Jared probably didn’t have a clue about how long it would take before he felt ready, anyway.

“Sure. Whatever you need. I’ll be there,” Jeffrey smiled, squeezing his hand back. Jared returned the smile, and they started walking again. Poppies and lupines brushed against their denim-clad legs as they worked their way through the darkening meadow, the occasional wild daisy looking almost blindingly white on the smoky background of sunbathed grass.

Letting out a small sigh the two of them purposely slowed down a little when the forest bend came so close that it was a matter of a few steps before they rounded it. They both wanted to stall, to drag out this moment. To just stay here. But they knew very well that they couldn’t. And carefully Jared started to loosen his grip on Jeffrey’s hand, his long fingers reluctantly slipping out between his shorter ones. Instinctively the older man wanted to just clutch him, to hold on to him with all of his might. But he didn’t. Because, sometimes, in order to keep something you have to let it go.


End file.
